I said I was going to stop complaining about how badly I am doing on my quest to write on this blog every day, but here we go again. The other week, I thought I might just switch to the PostAWeek Challenge because I was really not making it every day by a long shot. However, I thought, “No! I won’t change my challenge. I will press on!” Still, I did not even manage to post the next day after I made my feeble stand. I really am not sure what is causing this. I always say that I love writing, but I don’t really do it as much as I claim to want to. Yesterday, I was listening to Natalie Steward, known as The Floacist, on NPR’s Tell Me more. She talked about her music of course, but she also talked about writing and poetry. She said that writing was always a way for her to understand her world. She writes all the time. She journals, writes poetry, transcribes her dreams, all kinds of things besides writing music. I always tell students that if they want to write better, they need to write every day, just as if you wanted to jog better, you need to jog or exercise every day. I also always say that people who are brilliant at their art do it all the time; they can hardly help themselves. Their art is a part of them. That makes me wonder about myself now. I claim to love writing, but why don’t I do it more? What stops me from doing something if it is really something I love? Am I a fraud? A hypocrite? How can I tell my students to do something if I am not willing to do it?
The truth, though, is that this malaise does not just extend to writing. It affects everything I claim to love doing. I don’t do much of anything I love anymore. It sounds like I am all work and no play, but I procrastinate just as much if not more than the next person, if not more. The difference is that I fill that time procrastinating with things that don’t matter in the foolish belief that as long as what I am doing is not important to me, I might just stop doing it and do my work. Instead I need to try a new strategy this year. I need to procrastinate by doing things I love. Then, maybe I’ll be in a better mood, and then maybe I won’t mind doing my work so much.